I could spend this space giving you deep wisdom I have collected over my four years at AHS and my long 18 years on earth.  But let’s be honest- no one would read that (actually, I’m impressed that anyone’s reading this at all). I will reflect on my four years at Albemarle.  Take from it what you will. (I don’t think this is how senior goodbyes are normally done, but as I’ll only have a week left of school by the time this is published, I don’t care much.)

FRESHMAN YEAR- I was going to write something super funny and clever, but I can’t think of anything.  Stuff happened, I’m sure, but I can’t remember it.  We got two weeks off for snow that year and exams were still before winter break, but that’s about all that comes to mind.  Anyway, on to tenth grade.

SOPHOMORE YEAR- Lasagna abs.  What are these, you ask?  They are a beautiful metaphor created by myself, Alex and Austen Weathersby, whilst refusing to spend our gym class intimidated by all our super-sporty athletic classmates.  But you don’t care about our jealous insecurities, you care about the metaphor.  It is this: I have abs.  Sure, they aren’t as nicely sculpted as all those six-packs, but I have them.  They are just covered in a extra layers, much like how pasta in lasagna is covered in cheese and tomato sauce, resulting in a perfectly balanced (and calorie laden) entree. So basically, as I see it, my abs are better than all the boring pasta abs.

Other stuff happened sophomore year as well, like I joined the newspaper as a real staff member and took my first AP class.  But basically, lasagna abs are the most important.

JUNIOR YEAR- Thillism (a term, ironically, coined by one of my senior teachers).  The definition: important life lessons from my favorite AP US History teacher, Mr. Thill.  There are many to choose from, like “a lost ball in tall weeds” and “feed ‘em what they eat.”  You  can read these, and more, in the charming book made by Jessica Vickerman and Isabel Lee at the end of our junior year.

Ahh, US history.  So many trees sacrificed their lives that year for the good of outlines.  So many hours dedicated to reading books like “After the Fact” and Hofstadter (weirdly, I really like Hofstadter.  Once you get past all the dense history and into the heavy sarcasm, he’s quite amusing.  It’s okay, think I’m odd.  Amory Fischer and I have already accepted that we are the sole members of the Hofstadter student fan club.  If you have no idea what I’m talking about, just wait until junior year.)

SENIOR YEAR: It seems that the majority of my senior memories take place in the J-lab (where all us publication geeks do design) which is where I’ll be living in the event of a zombie apocalypse before seniors get out.  It’s got water, roof access (you’d have to break a window, but still) a bathroom, and a super remote location that no one can find.  It’s like that island in Pirates of the Caribbean 1, Isla de Muerta, that can’t be found unless you’ve been there before.

Other events that have happened in the J-lab: Chipotle parties, introduction of random SNL sketches that Jessica loves (she knows all the words to the Lonely Island skits.  Do I understand? Nope.), an expansion of my Swedish rap repertoire, viewings of One Direction videos backwards, and general discussions about what dinosaur to join forces with after the apocalypse (the dinosaur apocalypse, which will occur after the zombie one).
And now, faithful reader, I really really hope you have actually read my entire senior goodbye, because I put quite a bit of effort into this.  And if you stopped reading, you have no idea what I’m writing here.  I could be imparting advice that will change your view on life forever.  Your loss.
Which I guess leads into my actual goodbye part.   Mostly , there are some teachers I want to thank/make pocket versions of (Pavlo, Thill, Jenkins, Wood) and classmates I’m really going to miss ( Austen- who’s going to edit all my bad grammar?  Jessica- who’s going to lecture me on team velocisaurus raptor?).  And of course, I wish the best of luck to the Alexa, Bailey, Kate, Julia and Melanie for the newspaper staff next year.  You can always Facebook me for advice, but you know how I feel about Facebook, so don’t hold your breath.