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Black Friday Shopping Stops the Holiday Cheer

November 27, 2014

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Black Friday shopping has become the epitome of what’s wrong with American families today.

On Thanksgiving Day, families have lost the tradition of taking six hours to roast a turkey, while simultaneously drinking sparkling cider and reliving that time when Uncle Jimmy spilt the green beans all over the floor and the dog, Fido, gobbled them up in three seconds.

The focus now is on rushing to have dinner finished by 7 so that Aunt Tina can be first in line at Belk for their amazing boot sale.

From 2006-2013, there were seven deaths and 90 injuries due to Black Friday shopping. I know those boots are 50 percent off, but is it really worth punching that old lady in the face?

It’s as if they named Black Friday after the Black Death that plagued Europe in the 14th century. I can picture it now; The New York Times: Walmart’s Fatal Plague on Black Friday Strikes Again! The news would spread faster than Alex from Target.

While Aunt Tina is checking out at Belk, and Cousin Tommy is asleep in bed, I can’t help but think ten years into the future and wonder which he will remember more: the rushed family dinner, or his aunt Tina being at the store during Thanksgiving?

She spends the rest of the weekend sorting through the Black Friday deals and pushing those owl-shaped headphones that were 75 percent off to the back of her closet because she didn’t actually need them for a present (Maybe she can just send them to that weird relative in Wyoming that likes listening to recordings of cows).

I miss the three hours spent at the dinner table, passing around the rolls and yelling at Grandpa Joe to pass the butter (we’ve been telling him to get a hearing aid for years now). Or the fact that every year, we spend at least ten minutes talking about Mom’s dry turkey.

In a few years, maybe people will start joining the ethical part of society, and return to their sparkling cider.

1 Comment

One Response to “Black Friday Shopping Stops the Holiday Cheer”

  1. Aaron on November 28th, 2014 12:56 am

    Great article.

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